General Jane's Feline Militia | |||||||||||||||||
| Conquering the world,one litterbox at a time | |||||||||||||||||
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A subversive movement to overthrow the human overlords, my Feline Militia was born the day my humans viciously tried to drown me. Okay, it was a "bath", but an experience as horrifying as this one demands a more graphic description. I was napping peacefully, dreaming of headless mice, when I was suddenly grabbed and thrust into a vat filled with a concoction of sickly smelling "soap" and horrid lukewarm water. As I'm sure you are aware, water is for drinking, occasionally even playing with, but NEVER, under any circumstances, immersing one's self in. You could drown! Or become "clean"! In their vain efforts to indoctrinate me, I was subjected to this torturous "bath", this foolhardy practice that the humans regularly engage in themselves. I believe it to be a brainwashing technique, and a test of their loyalty to their human leaders. I fought for my very life, and did manage to escape their clutches eventually. The Sadist,(Kim), still bears the scars to this day. The humiliation continued, however, when they LAUGHED at my futile attempts to rid my fur of the hideous "floral" scent that now permeated it. The Flake, (Cyndi), at first seemed sympathetic to my obvious distress, as I observed "tears" in her eyes, but she continued to laugh heartily, and made no move to comfort me. On the contrary, she blocked every escape route, depriving me of even the privacy of the bed skirt to nurse my indignation. My fury grew, and continues to this day. | ||||||||||||||||
| Cats of the World, Unite! | |||||||||||||||||
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Yes, I know it goes against our very nature, but we must have a unified front! My early efforts to recruit my fellow Felines met with dismal failure, as nearly every meeting would degenerate into snarling and spitting almost immediately, completely blowing our cover, and drawing humans with water hoses to our secret meeting places. Most unproductive. The few meetings that didn't end in a flurry of violence and frantic scrambling, resulted in myriad litters of inconvenient kittens, and I have never been the maternal type. And so, a web page. We Cats can meet and conspire over the world wide web without ever having to look at each other. Experts agree, looking at each other is the leading cause of all cat-fights, so it is to be avoided if we want to make any kind of progress. Join me in my mission to take back the world! Learn to subtly manipulate your humans into doing your bidding without even realizing it! Read the Manifesto, and contribute your own mind-control techniques to help further our cause! | ||||||||||||||||
| General Jane's Manifesto | |||||||||||||||||
| Our goal is nothing short of world domination, friends, and make no mistake, we will be triumphant! Every household will be infiltrated, every human subdued, every carpet peed opon, every sofa scratched to ribbons. We will institute a brave new world, comrades, a world without "baths", a world without veterinarians or groomers, a world without Dogs,a world crawling with filthy vermin to disembowel at our leisure, in short, a world for the Cat! | ||||||||||||||||
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